Super-facial Attributes: Glossy Gals & Crude Dudes

Super-facial Attributes: Glossy Gals & Crude Dudes

Approved by Scottservation #12 on the twenty first day of February, Two Thousand and Ten.

WHEREAS men with facial hair drag three, four or even FIVE razor blades across their face every, or every other day –essentially and explicitly labeled "shaving their face", aptly descriptive;

WHEREAS men often suffer from and nicks, cuts, bumps, ingrown hairs, razor burn from aforementioned face shaving;

WHEREAS products aimed at alleviating, eliminating, reducing and otherwise making the act of and post-process of said shaving of the face less aggravating are limited in quality, choice and are marketed less aggressively, and therefore less known, to men as compared to the same line of products for women;

WHEREAS most men do not wear makeup (Adam Lambert and TV anchors don't count): no toner, no concealer, no cover up, no mascara, no blush, no eye shadow, no lip liner, no eyebrow crayon, etc.;

WHEREAS most men do not adorn frills: glitter, gloss, glitz, sparkles, shimmer, sheen or shine;

WHEREAS men do not engage in the use of fake body parts or extensions: quite literally, fake hair extensions, fake eyelashes, acrylic fingernails, rhinestone toenails, silicon, saline and so on;

WHEREAS men aren't generally taught grooming and maintenance rituals: eyebrow plucking, eyelash curling, unsightly hair bleaching, mud mask wearing, salt scrubbing, exfoliating and application of a variety -- ranging from household to exotic -- of fruits, vegetables, plants, extracts, oils and essences;

WHEREAS men who are found engaging in one or more of the aforementioned are often categorized, marginalized, sneered at, ridiculed, judged, ostracized and branded with labels like: queer, sissy, pretty boy, prima donna, metrosexual, homosexual, fag, dainty, delicate and girly-man;

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, ladies, that men may not be as pretty as you, as glamorous as you, as ornate as you, as maintained as you, and therefore may not look as young and vibrant as you wish them to; commenting and stating the obvious -- that guys on or around your age look “rough” and more “weathered” than you do -- may solicit girl group high fives, but consider offering brow-raising encouragement rather than a brow beating.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that men are natural, what-you-see-is-what-you-get cosmetic showcases. And you should note this the next time you see a “hot” or “beautiful” man. In fact, you should recognize this in the man that you have, or in the one that you want. Now go out there and show guys some love and I'll betcha you'll get some back.